Murray Vs The World

I fear of a lot of things when it comes to my life … and it’s funny cause I’m not in fear of death. I mostly fear about, never finding a job, being homeless and many other things.

__ Don’t ask me why I think these things, my mind just goes all over the place with different things. Sometimes I can’t even control my mind or control my feelings, it’s just something that’s always been there with me.

__But the thing I been scared of the most is, old faces coming to new pictures! I’m not going to explain that but some people might get that phrase. And another thing I fear also is someone in my family passing this year.

__ It’s crazy man … every year someone from my family pass and it’s very shocking because I have a small family so everyone is huge! I don’t want that to happen but that’s something I can’t help

So I woke up… . And that Job at IS8 was all on my mind so I was getting dressed and all that and waited till It was time to go, Bj came thru to pick me up so we can head over there. Black and Split was already there doing their job, so I thought I was going there to drop off an application but I also went there to volunteer in the job. It wasn’t that bad and its something I can def get use to. It would be a cool job because all my damn friends work there so it’s not like I’m working with strangers. I also made sure that the boss lady was seeing my performance because I was really working and I did not have to do that.

____ So we were there from  3pm to about 6:30pm. So we were leaving and then I went home and called my sister Keda because she wanted me to meet her friends, so we walked all in the rain to her friend’s house. It was cool we chilled watched TV and ate noddles lol. So later on the night it hit 12am and midnight was Keda’s birthday so now she’s 19 years old. So after the birthday wishes and stuff I went back home to lay down! And now I’m typing this up so that is how my day went… .EASY

I need a woman to be real with me, be honest with me! Always want me to be next to her, I shouldn’t have to worry about where she goes and what she do. She need to give me her trust and not lie about little things. I need someone that always thinks of me, needing me always wanting to speak to me.

I need a smile from a girl that can make me smile with ease, even if both of us are going thru rough days.

I need a girl to tell me what’s wrong with her when something is messing with her, I hate when I can see something is wrong and she doesn’t tell me.

I need a girl to believe me when I say, I can see when your lying and I can see when something is real. I can also hear when something is wrong from the sound of your voice.

I need a girl to not think that I’m tripping when I say these things to her! I need a girl to believe me when I’m out with my boys and I’m not talking to any girls.

I need a girl that can get along with both my mother and father, I also need a girl to go by everything she says and be about it!

I need … . . a girl to love me the same way I love her, or even more.

And last but not least … . I need a girl to show how she loves me … . . I hope that’s not too much to ask for God…

~ I did somethings that I truly do regret and you and I both know that I learn from my mistakes.~

I don’t know whats up with me sometime man, I guess this happens to a lot of people. Let’s say you think about someone or something (Like a Situation) and you know it can’t hurt you … But it does? Like you feel like a type pain in your heart but your not sure where that pain is coming from. Have you ever looked thru something knowing that your going to get upset but you look anyway? Why do we do that? Like seriously…

_____________ It’s 2:30am in the morning and I have a place to go to in the afternoon and I’m here tripping about something that’s invisible but it’s hurting me… I guess our minds think of a good note, but then seeing that it wasn’t hurts us. That might be it but it still doesn’t make things sure, things are still foggy. A lot of people don’t understand where I came from (And I’m not going to explain if you don’t know what I’m talking about) But from that time in life, I thought things were perfect… Well shit from when I was young I felt and thought things were perfect. But after a certain age where I started to take bigger steps in life … I felt that’s when things were going to be giving to me in the way i think it is.

_____________ From almost being a figure … To almost being a honor man … From the things that Happen, I don’t even know where I stand. I was left with confusion … and pain all inside me. I never had a way to deal with the pressure that is soon to come. I feel I should run, but I have no destination is mind. I don’t want to be found I don’t but I do … Forgiveness is something thats holding me a prisoner. But why is it? Why am I letting that get to me? Why am I still asking questions? Why am I still assuming? Why do i still have Hope? All these are … .

~Questions I can’t Answer~ Damn … . smh

I hate it soo much when people show off in front of people. I can’t stand that, and its sad to see that a lot of people that I converse with intend to do such. Ignorance is getting to these so called adults and it’s getting around like hookers at Hunts Point. SMH The people that I see and hear about that’s getting money and getting all these girls and having all these things are FALSE!! When i see these people in person they bum as shit, and that’s coming from me, me having no job and money. But even if I don’t have money or a job I still become cleaner and more positive about my abilities. I hate when people pretend on who their not … Now a days, people that hang in crews have to be alike someway, from when it comes to clothes, sayings, personality and etc.

____________ To be real man … I feel like I have only about 7 real friends that I can really trust… .SMH that’s sad man, I wonder what messed everything up? lol I know but I wanna know if other “people know” Please tell me .

Mannn thank God for real friends! My uncle’s Ex called today to speak to my pops but he was sleep so she was talking to me for a bit, basically to see how I been and how long I’m going to be in NY. So I told her Probably for two weeks, depending on this job at IS8. So then she asked me what type of job am I doing to apply for and I told her. Then she said that she can help me about because she does that In Long Island and its not that deep in LI. She said she was going to drop off an application on Thursday and then come to pick it up on Sunday. She said that I would have the job in a month!! So shittttt seeing how that sounds, it sounds pretty legit, so I wanna see how that goes!

_______But as for today I was pretty great, I didn’t sleep all day cause I was planning on seeing Rebecca but then I didn’t want to go to sleep and wake up late cause she had to go to school in the afternoon. So that’s what made me stay up so I wont over sleep past the time.

I felt kind of rude while I was over there because I feel asleep when she was in the shower lol but then after a while we both went to sleep lol. And from that, she woke up late for her class so she came with me to Queens and I let her meet my grandmother and my pops, and then Kwasi came our. We ere chilling watching some funny videos on Youtube and what not then she ended up going home. But I know for sure that’s she’s sleeping because she’s not even online lol. But shoot im doing to do the same when it hits 12:30 cause I have things to do tomorrow!

Ok so Tuesday I’m going into IS8 for a job watching over the mentally disable kids, so I think I have an interview and I say that cause I have to bring in a resume so even if it’s not I’m going to do my best to get a call back. And plus my home boy Split is going to put in a good word for me. So as for right now I’m editing my resume with a new design and what not and I must say that It’s coming out pretty cool but I need to find out how to put some type of thing on it =/

___________ But If I can’t get it to work then I’m still good cause I already have a resume and all my other things, like certificates and blah blah. So everyone wish me luck on this interview thing cause I need a job and money. Theirs things I need to get and people I need to pay back for always buying me food when I didn’t want it lmao.

____ I’m going to need a phone!!! A new MP3 Player and other important things, Can’t think of them right now cause it’s 4:40am lol

soooo yeahhhhhhhhhh I think I’m going to hit the bed!!!! Goodnight/Morning

This is an O.D.S.T (Orbital Drop Shock Trooper) Now whoever said that Halo ODST was wack must have no taste in REALNESS. I love this game because you play as a Advance Marine NOT MASTER CHIEF. So you can’t jump super high, ur not super strong and u can die from falls. Hunters and Brutes are super huge and you can’t thug em like Chief be doing lol I kind of forgot that fact when I was playing for the first time. Now I’m kinda of upset that their was no online play for ODST cause I feel that this game would of had a lot more team work in it.

_____ I played this game for the first time and I played it on Legendary thru the whole game and I loved every part of it, from the story, the characters, fights and so on!! I just can’t wait for Halo Reach to come out so we can HAVE GOOD OL TIMES AGAIN

PS: Halo 3 don’t have fags that hack, glitch and cheat like they do in Call Of Duty. Now think about that there folks.

Yesss i know … . I might sound like a nerd but honestly I could give a damn what you think. Video games been there from when I was a lil kid man (I know my friends have short jokes and prolly saying I’m still a lil kid from aiming at my height) but kick rocks lol but yeah man, starting playing Sonic for the Sega Game gear! That was my very first game and game system. My pops had the game gear and i was just a kid who like to have fun so i picked it up and started to play it and damn i remember way back when, I don’t even know how old I was but I remember when I was getting Sonic 2!

We were going to Green Acres mall but we stayed in the Sears part lol. But from when whatever year the game gear came out, I was playing video games from then! and even till now. I learn a lot from games, sad to say I learn how to adapt to all kinds of people playing games, i learn how to read from games and have the creative weird mind i have now from games.

_______Video games also kept me out of so much trouble back in High School. Ok now every kid cut high school and when they would cut, they would either go to a party or some playground to smoke or something. Not me!!!!! I went to the game store or I went home to play my Ps2 lol.

_______And man just yesterday I downloaded a Sega Genesis & Super nintendo emulator for my laptop and I must say, the games back in the day are wayyyyyy more harder than the games now. I was playing Strider II

____I couldn’t past the first level lmao!!!!!! I also played a game that my Father loves sooo much called “E Swat”

And this game is no joke either!!! The re spawn for the bad guys are no joke man lol, u turn around for a second and their back shooting like crazy. But just looking bad from where we started … . . Things gotten boring and less challenging in the gaming history =/

People call me, Text me, Email me, go out their way to tell me about their problems when it comes to different things. Things people say is things you can believe … but weeks later u see that they deceive, I’m getting sick of people asking me for advice or call me to vent about some family crap or whatever. And then say shit about moving on not worrying but weeks later their just waiting for another trap. And this might sound really mean but i love to see when a person is hurt when they don’t listen to my or anyone else’s advice. Theirs things that we can see that you can’t! You turn out to be hard headed and only care about everything around you and not what might happen to yourself.

It makes me sick to my damn stomach—————————

I know damn well if I did the same thing these people are doing! it’s going to be World War II so from now on. Real talk don’t matter who you are, don’t waste your time venting to me cause I’m not going to care or help. The shit is useless. Thanks for reading and have a nice day!

Ok so I got the word from my boy Split about a interview working with the mentally disable children up in Flat Bush Brooklyn. It’s on Saturday so I’m going to have to be in NY before then, so I’m going to hit my pops up and tell him the info. I just hope when I do go, I hope I get the job because I’m coming from a different state, and that there tells you that times are hard for people if your willing to travel that far for a job. I can start the job there and prolly start school but I’m really looking forward of starting school here in VA because it’s seems more relaxed, but at this time I can’t be picky. Well I’m going to pray and hope for the best!