I haven’t been outside to think to myself. It keeps me out from a place that stress me….. and it’s cool that its a full moon outside bit its foggy from the thick clouds. One thing why I hate living in new York is because on nice nights like tonight, its hard to see the stars.
I said to myself I would never smoke cigarettes and I’m keeping my promise, and the reason why i say that is because a lot of people smoke to deal with stress. So I will like to find a more safe and faster way to get over stress. I’m too busy calming other people down and not even calming myself down when needed. I want to be alone when I’m feeling like this but at the same time I want someone close so it makes no type of sense. I’m confused like crazy right now, I’m simple and easy to deal with. But some people find it very difficult… . Hmm interesting
It’s been a while since I was last stressed and I honestly forgot what I’ve done to get over the stress. I matured since then so I forced myself to not remember how I was and what I’ve done. It’s been weeks since I last had a real smile … .
Now I only blog when I’m really stressed and lately I haven’t been feeling stressed but now i am… Feels like I’m being used by so many people. I need some me time forreal I just need a day where I’m alone for the whole day … . or maybe even two days. Being in this house stress me out and it’s no where I can hide out to alone just so I can relax. Instead I’m always around what would never change. I can’t have a peaceful sleep without anyone asking me for shit waking me up!!! U don’t understand how much that shit fucking piss me off! EVERY FUCKING DAY shit is like this, not one fucking day I can say i had a full sleep with no distractions. NOT ONE! It was only time till when I was going to blow up and start speaking how I feel! But would anyone ever care? The way I’m feeling now! I don’t give a hell cause I’m all about my worries man. And theirs not a single person who would sit down and talk to me about my issues. They would listen … but wont have any words for me.
Process of Changing
The people that I look after the most don’t look after me when it’s needed. People always ask me for things, and it feels like they feel I don’t have to be paid back. Everyone think they can get things for free from me. Would good karma or deeds come my way for all the times I been looking after people? And if so when? I’m getting sick of waiting! I guess it’s the household I’m under. Being annoyed commanded and just other shit! It’s really pissing me off and it’s beginning to change who I am. It feels like the world owes me … . I’m giving things to people when I need it the most.
I feel fucked up putting people first instead of myself, this shit is really pissing me the fuck off and then people would look at me sideways when I get real! Well if you don’t like it then fuck u! Not caring who take this to the heart. And if you feel offended in anyway don’t talk to me about it.
You know I’m happy that I’m not selfish … . The reason why is because I wouldn’t be grateful for anything that others get or even what I get myself. But seeing how I’m not selfish and I work for what I have makes me feel accomplished, I mean damn … Felt like I’m making it far but the road continues on